Grace

I logged in to post something and realized that it has been exactly 5 months since my last post. I can hardly believe it. My life was just a little different then. So many beautiful things have happened and as I think about it, my breath is suspended for a moment as I realize what amazing things Jesus has given me.
For a brief second, I almost wished I could go back and live those months again. Not so that I could do them over, but so I could really enjoy all the beautiful moments instead of analyzing them. But I can't. And now that that second of wishing is passed, I realize I don't really want to. I have learned so much...about grace, about who Jesus truly is, about loving others, about the lie of fear, about myself. It's been overwhelming at times, but He never scolds me when I refuse to listen. He doesn't necessarily take away the agony I insist on putting myself through, but He just places a person, or a song, or a verse in my path to remind me of who I am in Him. I love that about Him. So gentle. So loving. So patient with my broken self.
I have fought Him out of fear. Fear of so many things. All of them lies of course. Because that's what fear is. A lie. Take the fear of "I'll never be good enough for Jesus". Now, this lie is a favorite of satan's. Because it has truth to it, but it leaves out the rest. Ya know, that part about Jesus never saying we had to be. He didn't ask for us to be good enough. In fact, He said that we never can be no matter how hard we try. That is why He had to come. Because it's only through Him that we'll ever have a chance of Heaven. Someone recently put it to me this way, "We can't impress God. He made us. He knows everything there is to know about us. How we work, what we think, what we want. So nothing surprises or impresses Him." "It's like a small child who makes the world's crappiest picture for his mom, then walks up to her and says, 'Here mom, it's a picture of you'. She doesn't throw it away and tell her child that he's not good enough and to try better. Because she loves her child and treasures that picture because he made it for her."
You see, we can't do anything that will impress God. All we can do is love Him with everything that is in us. His grace has taken care of the rest.
I know that most of this is just rambling on my part, and hopefully I'll make more sense next time. But if nothing else, I hope you take away this truth. This Christmas, get to know Jesus. LOVE Him with all that you are.
A great book that I am currently reading and loving is "Beautiful Outlaw"  by John Eldredge. It's amazing. And because it is Christmas (and because I received an extra copy) I'm going to be having a Christmas Contest!!
The winner will get the book and maybe some other special something. I'll have details up tomorrow.
I will also have details about where to get it and info on free videos you can find at ransomedheart.com.
Hope you all have a beautiful grace-filled day:)

Morning Glorious

I woke up rather early this morning (around 3:45), which is a small miracle as some of you know. I was feeling anxious about certain situations in my life. As if  I might have undone something good with a few words. And so, as the sun was just peeking over the trees, I grabbed a cup of coffee, my Bible, and made my way to my favorite morning place-my front porch.
Friends, God creates  breath-taking things, but this morning, He outdid Himself. I wish I could have come up with words rich enough to describe the hue of the sunlight as it streamed through the leaves and cast a shimmering path over the dewy landscape. It was just...well, I don't know if I can do better than that, and trust me, that comes nowhere close to describing what splendor I witnessed this morning. It makes me long for the beauty of Heaven.
Overcome with gratitude, but still perceiving that nagging feeling of self-doubt, I turned to Scripture. I opened up to I Corinthians and started reading. Now, to give you a better view of my heart this morning, let me say that I felt so foolish. Like I was the dumbest of the dumb. An idiot to rival that of the one belonging to the nearest village. I had been clumsy, ridiculous, caught up in my own wisdom, and blind. Then I decided to let God have a say. And He blew me away.
 I Corinthians 1:26-29, "For behold your calling, brethren, that not many wise after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: but God chose the foolish things of the world, that he might put to shame them that are wise; and God chose the weak things of the world, that he might put to shame the things that are strong; and the base things of the world, and the things that are despised, did God choose, yea and the things that are not, that he might bring to nought the things that are: that no flesh should glory before God."
How amazing is that? How totally humbling, and powerful, and awesome? God did not call me because of my great wisdom and ability to communicate. He didn't call me because I am strong and powerful and well-liked. He called me because in my foolishness, weakness, and depravity He is glorified. I need Him because of these things. I would rather be the weakest of all peoples and be called by God, than be "strong enough" to handle life on my own.  He has called me, and in Him my weaknesses and foolishness are swept away in the overwhelming current of His grace.
Then I started to study the grass and little critters that were scurrying around, beginning their day in that tiny jungle. I was struck by the intricacy of what I saw. A miniscule green worm, shaded to match exactly the piece of grass it climbed, wiggled and squirmed along. The slightest spider's web suspended between to slender blades of grass caught the light and shimmered brilliantly. As I studied that web, a small fly found himself momentarily snared in its sticky threads. I felt his pain. But I also rejoiced, because God knew that little fly, the size of a pen-tip, was going to fly into that web. He took notice. And then my perspective widened a little. God also knew which direction each blade of grass was going to grow. Then my view exploded. God knew all that, and He knew exactly which snares I would get myself caught in. He knew I would run right into a sticky web of my own making. He knows which direction I will grow from here. And He knew that it would take a tiny fly and spider-web to remind me of that.
I am overwhelmed this morning by His love for me. I am overcome with thankfulness that He even cares to point out my sin. I am brought to my knees in total humility and surrender over the Grace that forgives those sins. I want to shout with joy that He calls me Daughter.
I'm trying to think of how to conclude this post. The only thing that comes to mind is a song I sang the other night with a huge auditorium filled with fellow worshippers,

The day is brighter here with You
The night is lighter than its hue
Would lead me to believe
Which leads me to believe


You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
What does that make me?

My eyes are small but they have seen
the beauty of enormous things
Which leads me to believe
there's light enough to see that


You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory
You are glorious You are glorious
From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious
Which leads me to believe
why I can believe 


You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
You make everything glorious
And I am Yours

From glory to glory From glory to glory
You are glorious. You are glorious.
You are glorious. You are glorious.

The Calling

God has not called me to be a possessor of things.
God has not called me to a purveyor of the world's offerings.
God has not called me to be a preacher of society's mantra.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son"
Because none of what the world offers can save us.
And through Him I know...

God has called me to possess mercy and justice.
God has called me to be a sower of Love and Truth.
God has called me to be a preacher of the message of Jesus Christ.

So I will lay aside my possessions so that I may possess mercy and justice.
I will put away the things this world offers and offer to the world the Love and Truth of my Saviour.
I will turn a dear ear to the voices of selfishness and destruction and instead listen to the beautiful
Truth He speaks to my soul.
I will be still and know that He is God and God alone.
I will give my heart to Jesus alone.

A changed life...

It has been a while since I've posted anything, but I'm back. Never fear.
Today I feel moved to tell you something that has changed my life. It changed my life so deeply, so profoundly, that ultimately my eternal destiny has been affected. What could bring about such a dramatic result? One thing. The overwhelming, unending, undeserved love of God.  That's right. I said God loves me. THE God. The one who breathes stars, and fashions the human body, and holds the universe in His hand. He loves me. Can you believe that??? And it isn't because I'm a good person. I'm not. I'm a lying, thieving, manipulating, covetous, gluttonous, pride-filled, angry, murderous, adulterer at heart. To name a few. Don't believe me? Well, I've definitely lied before, in fact, quite a few times. I've taken things without asking, twisted my words to make people do what I want, desired things that aren't mine, over-eaten more times than I can count, looked down my nose at people every day of my life, been angry over silly things, hated people (which is the same as murder in God's eyes), and I'm guilty of lust which the Bible says is the equivalent of adultery. So see? I'm a mess. A stinking, filthy, unlovely mess.
I look at that list and again I am amazed. In spite of all those things, the God of the Universe loves me! And you know, He loved me so much that He gave up His most prized possession, His ONLY SON, to DIE for me. Are you following?? He made His SON, Jesus Christ, DIE FOR ME!! What in the world??  Ok, so far, I'm disgusting garbage, not worthy to be the sidewalk under Christ's feet, so He dies for me. Unbelievable. And yet, the most important belief I will ever ascribe to.
Why did he have to die? Because of that list up there. You see, that list, my unending list of selfish sin, sends me to hell.  Eternal punishment and separation from God.  Because every time I sin, I do so against the Person who made me. He fashioned me out of nothing and then gave me life, and I, everyday, choose to slap Him in the face by sinning. And because He is perfect and just, that means I deserve hell. Now, this is where that incredible love comes in again.
So, He knows that I can't save myself from hell, and loves me enough to send me a way out. That way was and is His Son, Jesus Christ. He shed his own blood in a terrible and horrible death because only a perfect sacrifice could pay for all the wrong I've done. And Jesus lived a sinless life, so He was the only One who could make good on my lifelong list of felonies against a Holy God. So, Christ willingly went to the cross and allowed Himself to be beaten, mutilated, and suffer a excruciating death. For me. So my list of garbage actions could be put through a shredder and forgiven.
FORGIVEN??? Yep, completely and totally pardoned. And the most amazing thing happened three days after he died. HE ROSE FROM THE GRAVE!! Are you getting this? He came back from the dead folks! He defeated death. So that I don't have to go to hell. So that I can spend eternity in Heaven with Him!! Mind blown yet?
Wait, it gets better. He didn't just do this for me. He did this for THE WHOLE WORLD! He died for YOU! He died for YOUR LIST of nasty, unforgivable sin. He died and rose so that YOU don't have to go to hell. He died so that YOU can spend eternity in Heaven!! With JESUS!
And all you have to do is accept the gift. All you have to do is ask Christ to be your Savior too. Ask Him to forgive YOUR LIST, turn away from that list. It's not like it's something to proud of anyway. Let Him take it and wash it clean with His blood. He wants to. After all, when He died on that cross in the most painful death man could imagine, He was doing it for YOU.

A poem for my brother, the Doodlebug.

I'm a doodle doodlebug
And I doodle everyday
The teacher says to stop
But my pen will not obey
I need to pay attention,
I know this is the case
But if I can't doodle on my paper,
I might just doodle on my face.
And that would be distracting
To see my face covered in ink.
So please be understanding
And look past my doodling.


I wrote this for my little brother. He has a very unfortunate habit of doodling in class. Thank goodness he has the talent to justify it.

The season of sunroofs, sneakers, and splendor

I officially broke out my A Fine Frenzy cd/ Pandora station yesterday and so it must be Spring!  I love this time of year. Everything is all robin's egg blue and cloud white. It smells like the earth before the rain, and sunsets are at their most golden yellow until fall. Spring also means to arrival of all the most beautiful clothes in the shops I dare not enter lest I am forced to file for bankruptcy. Thoughts of sail boats ( a superfluous thought for a landlocked girl from the Midwest), lilacs, long walks out of doors with my walking buddy, Taki, or my faithful iPhone and earbuds, cute sneakers with rolled up jeans, driving with my sunroof open, God's blanket of sunny warmth against my skin, and opening the windows in my room to let the sunshine and its friend, spring breeze, in to play.
I also get those familiar annual yearnings to spend the Spring in the English countryside.  And pretend I'm Elizabeth Bennet or some such other beautiful nonsense.
All of this to say HAPPY SPRING!!! Do yourself a favor and walk out of your beckoning doors and breathe in the scent of this most gorgeous of God's season...it will make you feel better. If you feel so led, do a little dance...it will make you feel silly, outlandish, young, carefree, and brilliant, even if  only for a moment.
At the very least, put on some happy music, open your front door, and let in the beauty of this season of beginnings. And don't forget to thank the One who spoke such breathtaking splendor into being.

Uncomfortable Verbiage

I've heard it said that writers thrive on their own. I'm inclined to agree. I love to be alone. That's not to say that I do not enjoy being with people, but I only enjoy it if there's a few. And as long as they are someone I'm comfortable with. If I don't really know you, or there are a lot of people that I'm not familiar with...well, then we have a problem. You see, I am a girl, and as such I am obsessively insecure and I feel the need to be perceived in a certain way(i.e, pretty, smart, funny, nice-smelling, not an idiot). So naturally, I think that if I tell you as much about myself as is physically possible inside of a 1 minute, 45 second time frame you will now have the requisite information needed in order to judge me correctly. Yep, I'm an "over-sharer".  If you have been on the receiving end of this...I apologize. I can't stop it. It just happens. I will be sitting there, growing more and more insecure by the second until...BAM! My brain shuts down and my mouth takes over. Some of you know this by experience. If you are one of the lucky ones who have been spared this fate, let me break it down for you in this week's episode of Adventures in Uncomfortable Verbal Overflow.
    I was asked, this past week, a simple question that required, at maximum, a two-sentence reply. I was desperately trying to control my You-Need-To-Know-This impulse, but I could feel my ears going red and I knew the moment of verbal-abundance was imminent. Sure enough, for some reason, my mouth had the idea that I should fill this nice person in on the last five years of my life. Why, you ask? I honestly have no earthly idea. The worst part is that I can see that look on their face that says "I don't remember asking for this information. Why is she telling me this? Wait...what did I ask her?" I then realize that my brain is dozing and frantically try to find the off-button for my jaw while attempting to shut down the flow of data. The problem being, I'm in the middle of a story, and when I just stop talking they become even more confused because now, I've become completely silent and more awkward, and they probably think they've missed a part of the conversation, but they really haven't, and now everyone is uncomfortable and unsure of what to say and it's just a mess.
The kicker is that when I determine to just shut up and let everyone else do the talking, I walk away feeling so much less of an idiot. I like feeling like a non-idiot. It's re-affirming.
And to anyone who would like to piously quote the verse stating, "A fool uttereth his whole mind", or point out that, yes, this post is in fact another example of my humiliating disorder...Please don't.  I would inevitably become insecure and be forced to correct your assumption by telling you about my first pet fish, Wilbur, or something else you really don't need to know.

Just a little something I found...

So, I found this recently. I wrote it about a year ago I think...It's me. In a nutshell. A wordy nutshell.

To travel far and far away
Has longtime been my dream

To see the lights in yonder skies
And bask in foreign moonlight's gleam.

To run through verdant pastures in
A land awash in colors bright

To step into the ocean and feel
it's pull and never-ceasing might.

To feel the sun, warm and quickening
On some forgotten sand-filled shore,

And fall in love in a cafe where
hundreds have done the same before.

To feel the rush of wind
Against my face turned to the storm.

And walk in paths that, through the years,
Sojourner's weary feet have formed.

To live, and see, and not just know,
That surely is my heart.

Yet dreaming will not take me there
And so I must depart.

How I came to possess my computer

I believe in the power of prayer. I believe God wants to hear from us, and He wants us to be specific. However, I don't know that I believed quite as strongly as I should have. All of my life, I had heard stories of prayers being answered in miraculous ways, but being a good Baptist girl, I chalked it up to the "put their hands in the air and worship" people getting an extra dose of "the Holy Spirit". (Disclaimer: It's a joke people...don't take it too seriously). Now, I know differently. God wants ALL of His children to come before Him with their requests, and He delights in watching our little faces get that "I can't believe it worked!" look when He shows us the tiniest fraction of what He is capable of .  God saw that look on my face about a month ago when He answered one of my prayers and showed me He really can do it. 

Recently, I have been feeling the Lord calling me to write. I had no idea how He wanted me to do this, however, seeing as I had no computer. I used to have a computer, but let's just say that milk and Mac laptops, while alliterated, are not actually friends. In fact, one will kill the other. Suffice it to say, I was without a medium to get my thoughts down in a satisfactory manner. Oh sure, I could have used pen and paper, but it just isn't fast enough, and I'm not sure what to do with it afterwards. So, knowing God wanted me to write, and knowing I had no computer, I began to pray. Basically I told God I needed  a computer with something akin to a word processor and access to the internet. And it would be great if it was free. That's really all I needed. Also, asking for a MacBook Pro (for free) seemed greedy. So I just told Him I'd take anything. I'll admit, it was a half-hearted prayer. Mostly because I saw no reason why God should actually GIVE me a computer. I knew He could...but believing He would ? I don't think so. However, that quiet nudge to write wouldn't go away. So I kept praying. 

Fast forward a few weeks. I'm sitting in my dad's office, pouring out my frustration over the fact that I feel I need to write, but I have no computer! He sits there for awhile and says, "What about that old laptop sitting in the backroom?" My reply was probably something akin to horror. "Old" and "laptop" in the same sentence usually aren't great. However, I was a beggar, and by default, could not also be a chooser. So I trudged back there and pulled down a huge, black, ugly, ancient, dusty contraption that I'm sure was "state of the art" at some point in the past 15 years. Ok, it wasn't that bad. But it was definitely not a Mac. I dusted it off and noticed it had an internet card. Definitely helpful. I lugged it back to my dad's office, plugged it in, and Voila! It actually worked!!! It was at this point in time I remembered those pathetic un-believing prayers I'd been sending up. I'm pretty sure it was then that God surely saw that look on my face that communicated a mix of wonder and complete stupification. God had given me a computer. A computer that was pretty much only capable of internet access and word processing. I'm not exaggerating. If I try anything else, it uses too much disk space and almost dies. I love it. I love it because it shows that God had answered my prayer specifically. He had called me to do something, and even when I didn't believe He would, He provided a way for me to fulfill that calling. In fact, it is the computer I am using to write this post. Pretty cool, huh?

Our God is so good! Don't be afraid to come before Him with your needs and requests. He already has everything all worked out. He's just waiting for you get there so He can blow your mind wide open!

Being Singular

On the eve of my 24th birthday, I am contemplating what the word singular means. What is it to be singular? I know what it means as a grammar term. It means there is only one of a thing. Yet, as I think on it, I know that there is more to this word than just the quantity of a noun. So, like any word-lover might, I zipped over to dictionary.com and looked it up. Now, I know how to use this word in a sentence and so on and so forth, but the actual definition is so much better than I had thought it might be. Ready?

Singular: Extraordinary; remarkable; exceptional.
             Unusual; strange/odd; different
              Being the only one of its kind. Distinctive. Unique
              Separate, Individual.

Maybe you weren't nearly as blown away as I was. That's ok. But I couldn't help but think that so much of who I am and where I find myself right now in life can be summed up in that word. Singular.
I am created by God in a singular fashion. There is ONLY one of me. I was created to be singular.
Often I am frustrated by the lack of people out there who see the world as I do. But it's because my mind and           heart are singular.
One could apply this to my social status...singular.
The place that I am in life is a singular one.
The way the idea came to me for this blog is, indeed, very singular. (But that's for another day.)
Everything about me is singular! And I love that! Because that is who I am called to be!
The beauty of it all, of course, is that we are all created to be singular. To be the only of our kind. Unique. Different. YOU are singular. Extraordinary and remarkable. Not because of who you are. But because of Who made you. And He is the author of the singular. Each snowflake He creates is unique. No fingerprint is a duplicate. Each grain in my wood floor has its own pattern. The purpose God has for your life is individual. Mindblowing.
So, tonight, the night before I am one step closer to the next singular year of my life, I am totally reveling in the  beauty of the word singular. And the fact that it is what I am.
So, tomorrow when you wake up and are facing the dread of having to go back to the same old routine, remember, God has made you to be singular. So be extraordinary. It's your calling.